Organizing my life on project at a time

For anyone that thinks that I'm a structured and organized person, let me set the record straight right now...I AM NOT....far from it. Clutter seems to follow me and every time I attempt to clean and sort things out another pile of paper appears behind me. But I day dream of being a super organized person. Organization blogs like IHeart Organizing and stores like the Container store are drool worth for me, but in actuality this is what my life normally looks like (my office at work):

So rather then set a goal like "be more organized" I am going to tackle one project at a time.

First up, you guessed it, my office. I need to setup a filing system that is easy, looks clean and works. I also need to manage the clutter that has accumulated on my desk.

Other projects I want to tackle in the next two months are:

• my vehicle
• my purse - technically this project involves cleaning out the 5+ purses I currently have stuff in. My usual practice is when I grow tired of carting around a particular purse or it gets to cluttered I grab my wallet and throw it into a new one figuring I'll get around to sorting out the crap that is in the other one(s) later....I'm pretty sure my marriage license is still in one of my discarded purses.
• my paperwork for Sparks as well as planning and preparing for next year
• my kitchen pantry (I'm making a trip to Minneaoplis at the end of June, so I'll be stopping at Ikea and the Container Store to pick up some organization solutions for this pantry. Specifically a few can racks  as the cans are taking up way to much room in the pantry right now, not to mention weighing the shelf down.) Something like this transformation.

I'll update you as I go.

I'm the 10%...consistantly...

I haven't written about my trials with trying to conceive recently, mainly because nothing has really changed and also because I have decided not to freak out about all of this anymore...at least for the time being.

Today I had a follow up appointment with my OB-GYN about the provera prescription I took back at the beginning of January. To bring you up to speed I did NOT get my period in February, it showed up mid March and then 45 days later....FORTY-FREAKIN-FIVE days later I got my most recent period.

I haven't really obsessed over this as I am just happy my body is menstruating again and figured I needed to give it time. Today I am told that that I most likely have polycystic ovary syndrome which is apparently common in women...10%....just like miscarriages are 'common', 1 in 10 women....love that I'm so normal.

Its not really the end of the world and doesn't mean that I'm infertile, just that I don't ovulate regularly...it also means that I get fat easily, have acne and hair growth...basically all the beautiful things that have been happening since I went of the pill last year.

Fan-fucking-tastic

So now I have to start eating a diet that is similar to a diabetic diet, read "low on the carbs", and exercise more as obesity makes irregular ovulation worse. I also was given a prescription to help manage my insulin sensitivity (one of the reasons I am gaining the weight).

She also is putting in a request for me to have a fertility consult as it is apparently a six month wait, in case I'm still not pregnant by then, that way I don't have to wait another 6 months once I actually WANT to see a specialist.

So here's hoping I maintain my relaxed opinion and don't turn crazy 'trying-to-conceive' woman again!

Isn't it interesting...

I find it interesting that when you put something 'out there', an idea of sort, it starts popping up all around you.

When I first started looking for articles on friendship and 'breaking up' last summer I really didn't find that much in my google searches. I thought that it was annoying that you could read at great lengths articles on dealing with grief and stress of loosing a 'loved one' but that it ultimately referred to your significant other or close family member. Looking for stuff on friendship was either directed at teenage girls or obsolete. I started thinking that I must be the ONLY one that cared about loosing a best friend or perhaps the only one that actually LOST her bff.

I realize I am not unique, that this happens all the time, but when you don't hear anyone else talking about these issues its easy to start thinking you are alone.

But then I stumbled on to the book MWF seeking BFF by Rachel Bertsche, and subsequently her blog. She doesn't so much as talk about a breakup that she's experienced but about the trouble with finding a NEW best friend while in her late twenties. Very interesting to me, so I bought the ebook and am slowly reading it.

Today my sister-in-law sent me a link to a Winnipeg Free Press article, "It's over - It can be as tough to break up with a friend as breaking up with a lover" by Joanne Laucius which references Rachel Bertsche as well as others' opinions on friendships and why they end.

I think one of the most telling points made in this article, which sums up what I've come to realize about friendship is this:

"Breaking up with a friend, either as the breaker or the breakee, can be just as painful as a romantic split, says Irene Levine, a psychologist, friendship blogger at Psychology Today and author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup With Your Best Friend.

We asked Levine about the nature of friendship and breaking up with friends.

Q: We have this idealistic idea that "good" friendships last a lifetime. Is that true?
A: People read novels, watch TV sitcoms, and see movies like Sex and The City that provide a mythical picture of friendships. The large majority of friendships, even very good ones, don't last forever."

As I mentioned in my last post, I have decided that I have a warped sense of what a great friendship should be like based on the fictional characters I follow. I need to work on being more grounded and having realistic expectations.

I am fully aware that I have amazing women in my life that I can confide in and it is not necessary for me to depend on one women to fulfill all of my friendship requirements. My new goal is to maintain diversification in my friendships. I think I'm doing quite well.

That being said... I'm still looking for my Sunday Brunch bestie...

Why I'm a terrible friend...

Fictional characters in my favorite television shows, movies and novels always seem to have that iconic BFF, the one that is with them through thick and thin. I assume I am not the only one out there that wants this for their selves and I have had some very close girl friends for long periods of time...I suppose that isn't a fair statement...I HAVE some very close girl friends.

But with the exception on my sister, who, at the sake of sounding sappy, has been my BFF since I was two, I can't seem to maintain that FOREVER part. I honestly thought I had it twice before but when things got tough we feel apart. For a long time I assumed I just had terrible taste in friends, that I chose 'takers' that only wanted to be my friend when I was doing what they wanted, that it wasn't me that ended the relationships but them...I was the GOOD person in the relationship. I was quite defensive.

Recently I have been giving this more thought and think I may have been a little naive. If I go with this theory then I devalue the relationship from the beginning and I honestly think when they were good they were as great as the best ones portrayed in the fictional world where things are always tied up in nice little bows at the end of an episode. I don't think its realistic that I merely had blinders on for 10 years and fooled myself that they cared about me. I believe that we were close.

I no longer believe that I was the 'GOOD' person in the relationship though....or at least that there was no 'good' person and 'bad' person.

I LET my relationships fall apart because I am too afraid that if I speak up and say that I don't like something they won't like me and will stop being my friend. Well jokes on me because by continuing to sit on the sidelines I allow my relationships to dissolve.

It isn't enough to write a passive aggressive text message or email when we have a disagreement. If I want to have a BFF, who tells me everything, then I need to do the same back. I SHOULD have overcome my uncomfort and picked up the phone or went over to see them in person, and while there I should have told them why I was upset and why they were important to me. And when it was all said and done I may still have been left with the remains of a friendship but at least I would have known that I actively tried to maintain it, instead having unresolved feelings hanging over me.

I feel like I let them down by not showing them that I cared enough to show up. I'm tired of playing the blame game in my head where my defenses are thrown up as soon as a thought like this enters my head and I yell back at it that my 'so called BFF' didn't 'show up' either and I shouldn't have to do all the work! Regardless of what the other person coulda/shoulda/woulda done, I know now what I need to do and I hope I don't forget this.

I feel like my 'breakups' have gone on too long now for me to decide to call them up. A little too late. They have moved on in their lives and probably have other close friends to confide in. Only time will tell if things will ever smooth out between us but I will strive to be better next time, regardless of who my BFF will be...

For right now I have joined the MWF seeking BFF (and yes I actually bought this book recently, but that is another story).

Working Late

It is 10pm on a Friday night and I am just leaving the office right now. I stayed to clean up my desk for Monday so that I wouldn't be behind and the sad thing? I still haven't gotten it all done.

I want to apologize for my lack of interesting posts during this challenge...perhaps not the BEST month to decide to do it. Perhaps I will try again soon with better luck but with only a few more days left I didn't want to drop the ball so this is it!

Our first book club meeting

Today was our first book club meeting, which was suppose happen this evening but because of busy schedules we opted to take a long lunch together rather then reschedule.

None of us have finished The Happiness Project but that worked out fine as we ended up focusing primarily on the first chapter, January, during our hour away from the office. Mainly because it is about the idea of de-cluttering and organization your life to aid in making your life less stressful and more happy...something all three of us would love to do.

I think one of the nicest thing about having something like this is that we can get together to talk about something POSITIVE and PROACTIVE, rather then getting caught up in conversations that deal mainly in the past of What Ifs and/or negativity. We are going to continue with this book for the foreseeable future until all three of us have completed it as I think there is quite a bit of conversation topics in it. Technically we could probably make our monthly meetings about one chapter (month) at a time as she takes on new challenges/themes each month. We'll see how it goes.

We've decided to meet the first Thursday of each month and hold each other accountable for the little challenges we give our selves. I now feel re motivated to finish organizing my house, office and even my Sparks supplies at the church. I'm going to attempt a few projects for the month of March. Because of my busy work schedule lately I'm not sure it would be realistic to turn it into a 30 day challenge were a do a project a day (it's hard enough blogging everyday!) but I'm going to set a deadline of 30 days for some specific projects, and who knows maybe I'll actually blog about my progress.

Making Up

I suppose I should put equal effort into a post about how D is NOT a huge ass. While I was angrily writing yesterdays post I think it was finally dawning on him that this wasn't just a 'disagreement' and that I was actually upset as he made a few attempts to engage in a more casual conversation, but I refused.

I then went upstairs to bed where I read a book. He followed shortly after and silently came up to me and gave me a hug. Of course I had decided to still be 'mad' at him and didn't say anything.

D is not a fighter, he avoids arguments...and by avoid I mean PHYSICALLY avoids, he will leave a room if it looks like I'm going to argue with him. (Which is interesting since he seems to enjoy pushing my buttons all the time and listen to me 'lecture him' but once it gets serious he gets the hell out of there). So when I didn't make any comments after the hug he went back downstairs to play video games.

Of course I seem to be completely incapable of ever holding a grudge when it comes to him so when we woke up this morning and he asked if I was still mad at him I said no.

Men might not be completely stupid....