Lovin' my OB-GYN

I had my appointment last week with my OB-GYN and if I haven't mentioned it before...I think she's pretty awesome. She just makes me feel comfortable and that I'm not crazy for worrying about all the little things. Since I haven't had my period for over 3 months now she gave me a prescription for Provera which will force my body to menstruate within 10 days. She also had me give blood to test my hormone levels.

Here's hoping that this is all it takes to jump start my cycle again and I will start ovulating by the end of the month.

Looking forward to a positive 2012.

Idle mind

This morning started off great but this afternoon I let my mind wonder away from the work in front of me. I'm always surprised what I start thinking about when I am not really focusing on anything. Preparing for the holidays was an obvious first, planning for the new year a second but how I ended up going over crap that has happened this year that I didn't like and apparently am still bitter about was not what I expected for my finale.

Sometimes I wonder if I took up kickboxing if I could release my pent up anger and truly be able to let things go. Maybe I should just start running again...the whole endorphins thing making you happy,right?

Granted I'm not unhappy, in fact I have a lot of things in my life that are going really well but when ever I let my mind go idle I fixate on those few things that I resent. Perhaps it is the lack of closure or control? Who knows. It isn't like I haven't taken counselling sessions for this!

Anyways I have an appointment with my OB-GYN tomorrow. Hopefully I can at least get some answers about my missing period and take some action. I'll let you know.

Productivity

Recently productivity has been an epic fail for me, following as a close second is motivation.

I have a desk full off things that NEED to get done and yet I keep doing busy work and procrastinating. At home I spent a week unpacking and now with only my room to finish I have put it off for 5 days now. And lets not even get started on my laziness when it comes to eating right or exercises.

Is it terrible to admit that my husband does NOT motivate me? He tries but it comes across as nagging on my end and I just want to punch him in the face. As I'm sure he would not appreciate that action (I know because he tells me that when ever I explain what I want to do to him) I attempt not to bring up my concerns about my lack of motivation or the funk that I'm in.

I have friends who will listen and commiserate with me but sometimes I think it would be nice to be married to someone that spoke the same language as me, since he doesn't I know that attempting a conversation that involved feelings and other intangibles would be exhausting on my end as I would have to explain everything multiple times. Maybe one day.

For right now I just need to shake this funk but I'm just not sure how. I'm not depressed but this kinda sums up how I feel...that unexplainable funk...

{via Hyperbole and Half - awesome blog}

Its Christmas for god sake!

Sleep and other fun things

I thought I could started by waking up a 1/2 hour earlier then usual this morning....I ended up sleeping in! Here's to trying again tomorrow. The trick is I have to go to bed before 10pm.

I'm also attempting to ween myself off of caffeine (AGAIN). Yesterday was a success, I only felt really tired on my drive home. Today has not been as great. 2pm and I keep day dreaming about sleeping. My eyes might be opened and I'm typing but I can assure you that I am NOT awake. I had a A&W diet root beer an hour ago...does that have caffeine?! (I kinda hope it does.) Perhaps I should just take an extended holiday to do this so that I can sleep when ever the mood strikes me.

On another note, I've decided to call my OB-GYN about the fact that my period has been absent for the last 3 months as my family doctor is out of town for a month and I would rather talk to a doctor that specializes in this kind of thing, then with another GP from his office that I don't know. My GP had told me last month that if I was still not menstruating in December that he would put me on birth control again, to force my hormones back on track. I don't love the idea of going back onto the pill but since I don't really want to conceive in January anyways (9 months from that would be September, which is my BIL's wedding...a wedding that D & I are both in so I really don't want to be in labour) I suppose it won't kill me. At least I'll feel like I am DOING something about this.

Here's hoping that at least one of the above is resolved soon!

Goals, Challenges and Lists

A few years ago I created a 30 things before I'm 30 list that encompassed goals and wishes that I had for myself like getting married, completing university, getting out of debt, travel, and weight loss to name a few. I then would check back on the list every year and update my status on each item on it. In the four years I think I actually did quite well and with my 30th birthday only four months away I have been considering writing a Life List like my friend Erica has done, inspired by Mighty Girl.

Currently I'm contemplating what is really important to me and what is actually something that is appropriate to put on it, as in - "Do I have control over it?" (Saying "Get pregnant by X years" isn't a fair goal when I can't control how that pans out, I can only try...) or "Is it too soon?" (Can I really start writing goals for myself that involve being a parent when I'm not actually pregnant? Is that kinda jumping the gun?!....Don't get me wrong those goals are already listed in my head, I just think that saying it out loud or posting it to a blog may being crossing a line, then again I had a blog dedicated to my wedding years before I was engaged so "Hello Pot, I'm Kettle"...).

One goal that I've struggled with in the last 10 years, or probably more accurately since I hit puberty, is my weight and corresponding body image. I use to say that I want to be 135 lbs and then I came to realize that it wasn't the number so much as how I felt about myself and looked in my clothes. I fluctuated between 150-170 for 5 years now and shortly before my wedding I stopped going to my morning personal training sessions (the company I work for owns a performance gym that trains professionals and as staff I attend for free) because of stress and limited time while planning. I meant to go back after the wedding but then when I got pregnant so quickly I worried that the intense workouts wouldn't be good for me so I decided to do aqua fit and walk instead. And then when that ended as quickly as it started I have been in a weird limbo stage. At first I didn't want to start only to have to quit as soon as I got pregnant again, assuming that it would happen quickly as well but as we are seeing now, 'quickly' seems to be out of the question for me know and I need to focus on other things or I will start driving myself insane with the "maybe it'll happen today" obsessions. So not going to the gym is now marked up to laziness. No other excuses left. I haven't found the motivation to crawl out of bed earlier then I absolutely have to so I can't make it to the gym.

This needs to change. I am reinstating my goal of living healthy and attaining my ideal body weight.

Below is the vision board I created a few years ago to motivate me to reach my goals. I've checked off three that I feel I've accomplished and circled four that I want to focus on for the new year/immediate future. The other three I feel are more appropriate for a my life list of things I one day would like. (Sustainable home would be a retirement thing since we JUST purchased a new home)

So I think my current goals are:

1. Create an organized, uncluttered life at home and work.
2. Live a healthy life (clean eating + exercise = reaching my ideal body image)
3. Invest in time at home doing projects like sewing, starting my own garden and other hobbies.

First up for tackling these goals:  Waking up 2 hrs earlier then I currently do.

I honestly believe that if I wasn't so rushed in the morning I would accomplish a lot more and would be healthier and happier. This would mean I could do yoga first thing in the morning, eat breakfast with D and make sure I always leave for work with my lunch packed and in my hand. I will also no longer be LATE for work.

Here's to step one in attaining my goals!

A busy month

November flew by, mainly because D and I were busy finalizing everything for our move. We managed to find, what we hope is, a good tenant for our existing home, who will be moving in December 15th and since we've gotten the keys on the 21st we have been slowly moving our stuff over. D, with the help of father, brother & friend, hung the drywall last weekend because the exposed plastic would have spelt TROUBLE with our three cats...picture tiny claw punctures everywhere. We are moving the furniture in this weekend so Saturday will be our first night at the new place!

We also took a trip down to Minneapolis with our friends, while the guys flew from there to NJ to see their favorite band, the girls stayed behind to shop and shop I did. I love Ikea. I picked up some organization stuff for the kitchen and even bought a ton of plush toys even though I have no idea who I'm giving them to. I may just keep them for myself!

 {Two of the eight...that's right I went overboard...that I picked up at ikea! Cute, right?}

While all of this was going on I managed to waste a ton of money on weekly pregnancy tests because yes...still no period. All of them came back negative but I kept 'What If'ing because I felt bloated, not to mention the exaggerated symptoms my over analysing created. I finally decided to go see a Naturopath doctor mid November and he suggested that I start taking supplements for sensitive stomach. He also took blood work for testing food allergies which I will go back to see him about in a few weeks. Of course AFTER I met with him I read online that progesterone is the cause of the bloating in pregnancy and that is also what my family doctor told me is probably the cause of me NOT menstruating yet...my body has too much progesterone and until it drops I can't build up the estrogen and ovulate. Fan-fricken-tastic! If I'm still sans period in December, he said he'll be putting me on the pill to force the hormones to balance again. I'm not that keen on the idea of wasting another month, but what are my options?

I love having NO control over this stuff.

I stopped wasting my money on pregnancy test mid November, after my followup visit with my family doctor. About a week after the Naturopath visit, and me starting to take the sensitive stomach supplements my bloating has reduced, which now has me over analysing and wondering if that means my hormones are balancing out or if I just needed those bloody supplements because the enzymes in my stomach can't digest my food properly.

This week I had the brilliant idea of purchasing a basal body thermometer in hopes of catching my body in the ovulating act, per say. Tuesday and Wednesday read 97 F and this morning I was greeted with 97.3...with absolutely no data to back this up I automatically start assuming that I am NOW ovulating and I better make sure D and I getting down to business tonight. Yup I'm slowly draining the romance out of lovemaking. Granted I don't plan on telling D that is why he's getting lucky. Hell with the move and the fact that he's a worrier I don't even know if he will get lucky tonight! Welcome to my life...I yes I realize I'm possibly sharing too much but I'm all about the honesty.

Moving forward

Oh a more positive note, we are moving in less then a month!

We have been discussing the fact that our less then 800 square foot house is not adequate to raise a family for quite a while now, mainly because our kitchen is so small that we have to utilize our second bedroom as a dining room as we can't fit it anywhere else. Originally we thought that we would expand the kitchen with an addition to the back of the house but when we started looking into quotes we realized that the amount we would have to spend, not mention the headache of not having a kitchen for a month or more, would require loan repayments equal to our mortgage payments and at least 7 years to repay! If we could afford to do that, then we figured we might as well just double our mortgage payments and buy a new house that doesn't need to be renovated.

We made this decision at the beginning of October, contacted a realtor that set us up on automatic emails where we got updated on new houses on the market that met our criteria, and we were very specific....

We wanted it to be:

1. In the North East end of the city (where we are currently)
2. Built in 2000 or more recent (preferably 2007 and newer)
3. At least 3 bedrooms
4. A large kitchen with an island
5. finished back yard

We also gave a realistic price range we wanted to spend. Knowing how the housing market has been a 'seller's market' for the last few years and the fact that we weren't in a rush to move, we were fully prepared to take up to 2 years to find the house for us. We did not expect to go to our first open house at the end of October and love the house. We talked to our realtor the day after the open house to set up a second viewing, as well as two other houses for comparison (we didn't want to be hasty!), and went to them the next day. Still loved the house and couldn't think of a good reason NOT to put an offer in.

We got lucky because the seller's were motivated to sell since they were relocating to Alberta. The house had been on the market for a month and they had already dropped the price by $15,000. There was NO bidding war, we were the only offer. It is NOT a seller's market right now. 4 day's after going to the open house, our FIRST open house, and we had bought a new place with a possession date for 21 days later....crazy!

We plan to rent out our current house, rather then sell, and tonight we have 5 different viewings for it, with another 4 on Friday. We thought we may have troubles finding a tenant but it isn't looking like that is going to be an issue. Crossing fingers things continue to fall into place.

Here are some pictures of the our new place....

We are very excited to get to celebrate Christmas and a new year in our new home!

Limbo - an update

I realize I kind of left things hang with the last post a month ago, mainly because there has been no major changes. I feel like I'm in limbo, let me elaborate...

I got into the ultra sound appointment two days after my follow up appointment with my doctor as he put through the order as an 'emergency' a second time. I felt weird having it termed an emergency since nothing was really happening but it made it happen so I guess I should just let that go.

Ultra sound confirmed that the miscarriage was pretty much complete but since she was just a tech (really nice though!) she didn't know anything about me getting the shot for the RH. This was a Friday so I couldn't really call my doctor. I decided to do what any modern girl would do...I Googled what happens if you have a RH+ miscarriage and don't get the shot. Needless to say I confused myself with the limited data on line and slightly freaked myself out. There really isn't a lot out there on the 'what ifs' of miscarriage and most of the information I could find was just on GETTING the shot to prevent RH sensitivity.

So I stopped looking as I knew I would convince myself that I would never get pregnant again if I carried on!

Tuesday I got home to a voicemail from a OB-GYN's office wanting to book an appointment - I guess my doctor's office finally got around to that as well. Wednesday I got a hold of them and ran over to get even more blood work done (FUN!) and Thursday I met with a wonderful OB-GYN. She said that there was no need to proceed with a D&C and I should have no trouble getting pregnant soon enough. Before she finished I asked 'But what about the fact that I'm RH-?!' Apparently she thought that I had already gotten the shot...ummm No....Good news was that you apparently have a month after a miscarriage/birth/etc to administer the shot and it be effective and I was only 3 weeks at this point. Bad news...I was leaving that night for The Pas for Thanksgiving Weekend!! So after a stressful afternoon of what ifs and where will I go my OB got me into her hospital's maternity ward so I didn't have to wait in an emergency room for 8 hours! It still meant that we didn't leave the Winnipeg until 9:30pm and got into my parents at 3am but at least I got the shot and could stop worrying.

On October 17th, D got in to see his doctor and have his blood type tested and a week later (yup it took that frickin' long!) we got that news that he's A-! Negative!! He has the same blood type as me and all of this stress was for NOTHING!

I would really suggest that if you are trying to get pregnant to get both of your blood types BEFORE you actually conceive and save yourself this stress.

So now that I don't have to worry about conceiving a RH+ baby I can focus on getting pregnant again....except.....seven weeks after the miscarriage I have YET to get me period! And yes I've taken multiple pregnancy tests just in case we were really THAT fertile, all have come back as negative.

Which brings us back to the LIMBO stage I feel I'm in right now. I depend on my period to help pin point when I ovulate and tell me when I'm not pregnant. Not having it is frustrating! I know that its ONLY 7 weeks and since I didn't have a D&C its normal for my body to take awhile to get back on schedule, I just wish I didn't feel so out of the loop.

Closure

So I had a doctor appointment yesterday. It originally was booked as my prenatal and pap exam but when that no longer was necessary it turned into a followup appointment.

He had sent in a request for an ultrasound appointment for me at my last appointment, 2 weeks ago, and I hadn't heard from anyone to set this up but since I had been bleeding for the last 2 weeks like I was having the worst period of my life (granted still not a lot of pain or discomfort) I had assumed that it was a sure thing a miscarriage had happened and not being a doctor but loving my google searches had decided it was a full miscarriage so it didn't really bother me not to have them do the ultrasound.

Apparently, I still need the ultrasound just in case it wasn't complete....so much for self diagnoses. He sent in a second request yesterday and marked it urgent. They actually called me this morning and I'm going in this afternoon.

Secondly, we had a nice discussion on the fact that I am in fact RH-, something that I vaguely remembered but wasn't positive on until now. Why is this important? Well now that I've had a miscarriage (would have happened after I gave birth the first time too) my body has potentially built up antibodies to destroy RH+ bodies. The reason I say potentially is because I currently have NO IDEA what D's blood type is and neither does he. I have donated blood before and if necessary I could have called up the blood bank for my blood type at any point, D has never donated. I thought his mother would know....she doesn't. So he called his doctor yesterday and can't get into a lab without a request from a doctor and he can't get into his doctors until October 17th!

Why is this a big deal to me? Because if D is RH+ I will require injections of Rh immunoglobulin (RhIg), a blood product given to help me by "minimizing my reaction to the Rh positive red cells". No big deal about the injections, as they aren't suppose to cause me any problems but if I get pregnant before getting the injections I have no how my body will react and I have the potential of having another miscarriage immediately after my first one.

I realize that I may not even be ovulating yet but the idea that I could be and not knowing if D is RH+ is not making me want to have sex anytime soon. Which ALSO pisses me off because now I'm having to postpone trying to conceive until mid October or November is I don't get the results and then injection (if necessary) soon enough.

I'm planning to try and impart a sense of urgency onto D about this and see if he can go to a walk in or something for the body test sooner.

I'm also crossing my fingers that he's RH- and then this won't even be an issue!!!!

Kicking a Habit

I never thought of myself as someone that was addicted to a drug, and will admit that I couldn't understand women that would continue to smoke during their pregnancies (and still don't, actually) but when faced with cutting out caffeine I'm having a really hard time.

When I found out that I was pregnant in August I immediately quit drinking coffee cold turkey. The first day was hard, lack of concentration and pounding headache by the end of the work day. The weekend was my second & third days which made them bearable as I rarely drink coffee on those days because I have the opportunity to sleep in and take naps if necessary. I'm also not staring at a computer screen for 8+ hours. When Monday rolled around I was back to the lack of concentration and pounding headaches, and since Advil - my usual headache & pain remedy, was out of the question, I was running around looking for Tylenol.

For some reason the idea of replacing caffeine with Tylenol didn't sit well with me and then I started reading that its actually OK to consume 200mg or less of caffeine a day (which is just under 16oz of coffee) so I justified my morning coffee and went back to drinking it. Technically I also would have chocolate and other products with caffeine some days, on top of the morning coffee, but chose to ignore that.

When I miscarried I couldn't help but think "OMG if I had only stopped drinking coffee...". Now rationally I realize any number of things could have caused me to miscarry and the fact that I was moderating my coffee intake it probably WASN'T the cause but I really don't want to run that risk again.

I had NO PROBLEM stopping my one glass a night of wine, or starting to take a daily prenatal vitamin when I'm TERRIBLE with remembering to take vitamins, all in the name of a healthy pregnancy and baby. So why can't I let this coffee thing go? You would think that I would take this opportunity to stop before I get pregnant again so that I can deal with the withdrawal symptoms before they are compounded with the exhaustion of pregnancy, but I'm sipping on a Venti Pike from Starbucks as I type this.

Hello my name is Carmen and I'm a coffee addict...

Any tips on quiting?!?!

(I realize this is pretty much a private blog with a readership of 4 at the most so I guess this is more of a rhetorical question at this point...)

How is this NOT amazing

I saw this photo on Facebook and needed to share and pass on the article, abosultely amazing...

Read more about this picture and article that was published in 1999...apparently I've been living under a rock...

Coping

Last night pretty much confirmed that this is in fact a miscarriage. I'm full out bleeding like I was on my period and require a tampon (I hope its okay that I'm using a tampon because everyone online mentions wearing a pad and I don't OWN pads). I still need an ultra sound I guess to determine if its a complete miscarriage though.

I'm surprisingly handling it really well, I guess it was so early that I had yet to be attached to the idea and had prepared myself for the possibility of loss. Aside from my sleepless night on Tuesday where I still clung to the hope that it was just an abnormally large "spotting" incident I am actually okay with it all. No urge to cry, no depression.

Is it weird that I almost feel guilty that I'm NOT that upset? If anything I feel like I should apologize to my in laws that they aren't going to be grandparents yet! Even though I know its not my fault....

Not what I was expecting

So this is DEFINITELY not what I thought my second post would be about, regardless of how prepared I was for this outcome. I guess I was finally starting to accept the whole "I'm really pregnant" thing so was caught off guard.

**Please be aware that this may be TMI for some people***

Tuesday night I woke up to go to the bathroom only to be greeted with clots and brown "old" blood discharge. It was a lot more then what I would expect from normal 'spotting' but not as bad as the amount expected for a miscarriage. Not to mention that it wasn't 'fresh' blood.

To say that I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night was an understatement, as I was completely exhausted I called in sick to work and phoned my doctor's office to make an appointment. I couldn't get in until today which didn't relieve my worrying about the unknown but I didn't experience any further discharge for the rest of the day so I started to think that perhaps it was all good. My body just needed to rid itself of some old blood that had been sitting there since implantation or something else, and rather then do it slowly it got rid of it all at once.

Until I went to the bathroom just before bed and the discharge was back, still not 'fresh' but its there and is still here this morning. Its not heavy like my usual period but I feel more and more that this is not going to end in a happily.

I just got back from my doctor's appointment and I still don't have a confirmed answer as I have to have an ultrasound now (waiting to hear when that is!) but he was not hopeful. Along with the clots, which apparently are not a good sign, my hormone levels that came back from my lab work were a lot lower then expected, more like 4 weeks then the 6 weeks that they were suppose to be. This further adds to the likelihood that my pregnancy miscarried a few weeks ago and my body is just getting around to 'flushing' me out now. Until they do the ultrasound they won't know for sure.

My doctor has informed me that having a miscarriage has put me in a higher risk category (I was already higher then normal because I was 30 which was news to me since I thought I had until 35!) and will be referred to an OB-GYN as soon as I'm pregnant again.

I suppose there is a small chance that everything is still fine and obviously I would prefer it to be still 'okay' but I knew this would be a risk and at least I know now that D and I are fertile so we will start trying again as soon as I figure out when my next ovulation period is and hopefully it will happen quickly and stick this time.

Didn't expect this blog to turn into a "Trying To Conceive" one but that's life...throwing you curve balls.

Feelings that I'm currently experiencing:

1. Disappointed that we need to start again and that I will no longer be due around the same time as my friend (who also just found out she's expect).
2. Resigned to the fact that this is life and there really wasn't anything I could have done. Putting me in the higher risk category has now removed my reduced to ONE cup a day coffee consumption. Guess I'll need to start weening this addiction now so that I'm not suffering headaches when I can't take Advil! (Please note that I use to drink multiple cups a day and when I first found out that I was pregnant I cut it out completely, suffered from headaches, read that it was okay to have 200mg of caffeine a day while pregnant and so brought back ONE morning cup during the work week - there is a small part of me that wishes I had disregarded the Internet and 'What to expect when expecting' advice and never went back to caffeine but I realize that I can't play the what if game)
3. Reluctant as I am NOT looking forward to telling my in laws, as they were the only people we have told so far that I was on the fence about. My MIL is a little overly emotional and I do not want to listen to her cry about something I haven't really cried about! Nor do I want her obsessing the NEXT time I'm pregnant about what I'm doing and if the baby is okay.
4. Relieved that Facebook friends and work colleagues do NOT now that I was pregnant. We had chosen only tell a handful of people that we were comfortable sharing the bad news with and I'm glad we decided that because it would definitely suck having to update your facebook status as NOT pregnant and I absolutely hate the insincere condolences from people that rarely talk to you.
5. Optimistic that the second time will be the charm and now we just need to wait.

Is it terrible that I'm annoyed that my tarot card reader, who I have been going to for years now and find her very reliable, recently said (I went to her 2 weeks ago but didn't tell her I was pregnant because my friend that was with me didn't know) I would get pregnant quickly (check), that I thought it would take a long time but D was very fertile (check) and that I would have a very easy pregnancy.....(ummm). When I asked if she saw miscarriage and problems she said that it looked like a easy pregnancy. (So basic NO check) I realize that an educated woman, who is an accountant by trade, should not be putting her hopes into predictions from tarot cards but it is what it is. I believe in stuff like that and her so I keep going back to this think "it can't be a miscarriage, I was suppose to have an easy pregnancy" and then I think "but maybe the reason she didn't know I was pregnant 2 weeks ago was because my miscarriage had already happened and that the NEXT pregnancy would happen quickly...October!?...and THAT one will be easy." Crazy I know, but that's what goes through this girl's head.

So that's where we are at right now.

And so it begins...

To say I was surprised when I watched the second pink line appear on the stick I was holding would probably be a bit of an over statement but it definitely took a while to sink in, in fact three weeks later its still sinking in!

So how did I get to this point?

D and I got married this June and immediately after we threw away any form of birth control. In fact I had stopped taking my pills 3 months earlier, mainly because I had run out of my prescription and was too lazy to go to the doctors for another one when I knew we would start trying after the wedding but it also gave my body time to adjust to not taking them, something I had been told was important to do, whether that's accurate I don't know.

We, or should I say I, decided that we wouldn't wait after the wedding to start trying to conceive, although originally I thought we would put it off until the fall of 2012 so that I wouldn't give birth until after I had finished my accounting designation. My main reason for wanting to start sooner then later is that I am 29 years old and I had NO IDEA whether either of us were fertile. I didn't want us to wait another two years before we started only to find out after months of trying that we couldn't do it with out help. I also assumed that if we started now we wouldn't conceive for a few months.

D's mother took FOUR years to conceive and I knew that my mother, in her thirties, started having difficulties (miscarriage) between my sister (two years younger then me) and my brother (seven years younger then me). We also knew there was a possibility that it wouldn't take long and we were completely prepared for that out come too.

After the wedding when I say we started trying that merely meant no protection....I didn't actually know when I ovulated so it was really no surprise that my period showed up in July but August was different, I actually calculated when my optimal week would be and made sure we tried during it.

Regardless, when I sat down to pee on that stick 3 weeks ago it wasn't because I was late and thinking I was pregnant. Nope, it was because I had promised D that I would not drink while we were trying to conceive EXCEPT during my period, and since that was about to arrive in the next day or so and I was planning to go out for dinner with my in-laws I figured I would check things out with a First Response test to see if I would be enjoying a glass of much wanted wine with my SIL.

I'm the impatient type and couldn't wait until I got home, 5 minutes before I left work I went to the bathroom fully expecting to get a negative...I didn't feel pregnant and who actually gets pregnant this soon!? I was completely convinced that I was NOT that girl so as I watched the urine make its way down the strip, the first line coming up bright pink and then the second appearing a lot fainter all I could think was ARE YOU F'N KIDDING ME?!

As soon as I was in the car I called my sister to get her opinion..."What are the chances that I could have a FALSE positive?!" I didn't know what an evap line looked like so I wasn't sure if that's what it was or if maybe the test was just faulty. She reminded me that I didn't live in a city with a wide range of places to by tests, so why didn't I just go buy a digital one? Good point!

Before going home I stopped at the grocery store, bought a Clear Blue digital test that promised results 5 days before your expected period and quickly headed for our house. Since I had already peed less then an hour ago I started guzzling water when I got inside and headed for the bathroom. D probably thought I had lost it but I NEEDED to know....have I mentioned that I'm impatient?

I suppose telling you that this test read "Pregnant 1-2 weeks" is pretty anticlimactic at this point but there you have it. Two tests for different brands confirming that I would NOT be having that much wanted glass of wine for at least another nine months and I couldn't be happier.

I am completely aware that things don't always go as plan and miscarriages are quite common, because of that fact D and I have agreed to only tell our close friends and family, people that we are prepared to share sad news with not just happy news, until we are further along.

At this point I am not sure if the three months point will be the lucky number or if we will wait closer to 5 or 6. I guess we'll just have to wait and see but until then I feel comfortable in sharing my news with you.