Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Trying to ignore my obsessive tendencies...

Not sure what I was thinking making a challenge to myself to post EVERYDAY just after the payroll & AR clerk in my division quit and I am currently juggling her position on top of mine, while we look for a replacement for HER replacement (we replaced her internally with a recruiter but now we need to get another recruiter before this one can take over the payroll and AR responsibilities), but I want to give it my best attempt to make it every day so I'm logging on late after our AGM tonight.

So tomorrow will mark a 32 day cycle for me and I still haven't gotten my period. You already know that I told myself to not take another test until I was late but that doesn't stop me from worrying. Worrying about whether my period will actually come, regardless of being pregnant.

Normally I consider myself the calm one in our relationship and my husband is the worrier. Everyone that knows us will agree. D can't help but fixate on the littlest of issues. My friend referred to it as 'festering' once and I completely agree. He'll ask me the same question over and over again once he's decided its an issue until its solved. Its to the point that I either snap or tune him out. I don't even bring certain things up because I know they would be catalysts to a night listening to what ifs. But when it comes to this whole trying to conceive my rational, calm side takes a back seat to the crazy. I honestly have arguements inside my head where one part is tell the other part to take a chill pill. Currently the calm, rational me is winning but its unlikely to continue if I don't menstrate by this weekend and test negative again.

I hate not being able to see what is going on side my body (in a nongross way). Wouldn't it be great to get memo's when your progestrone was going to spike or ovulation was on course for 16 days after menstration? Perhaps an owners manual could come along with you when you were born?

Basically I know I can't do anything but wait right now but here's hoping I'm not having to call my doctor next week to get another perscription of Provera or take more tests. I just want to go back to being NORMAL.

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